Zombie Wars is a 2006 zombie film directed by David A. Prior. It stars Adam Stuart, Alissa Koenig and Jim Hazelton. It looks like a fairly low budget effort, and what money they had wasn’t well spent.

Clocking in on IMDB with a lowly 3.5 stars, most people would probably not watch this film, but seeing as there are plenty of good low budget B grade zombie films, I thought I would have a watch. I soon regretted this decision.

The story is set 50 years after a world wide zombie epidemic, where groups of humans survive in camps. Zombies have evolved in such a way where they have human slaves, and even farm humans, raising them from birth for eating purposes. This is a ridiculous concept for starters, and shows a real misunderstanding of zombies, what they can do, and what drives them. Picture zombies leading people through the bush, the people are roped together. It’s really stupid. One of the main human soldiers, gets captured and taken to the zombie farm, where is is assigned stud duty. Sound steamy? It’s not.

This film is really that bad. I don’t have huge expectations on the entertainment value of a low budget zombie film, but I expect more than this.

Why is this film so bad? Zombies are driven by the desire to feed on human flesh. The concept that they could have humans as slaves is so stupid it doesn’t justify discussion. The plot is so weak it requires narration to try and explain why things, in the same sort of way as a primary school play has a little girl standing on stage reading the story so the parents know what is going on.

The makeup used on the zombies is fairly inconsistent, some of them look ok, but others look completely crap, and have gaps between their gray skin, and the actors normal skin color. There is some random soldiers who guard a town, these guys stand at a gate on a road, but there is no fence. The gate just sits on the road. This shows a real lack of effort in set design.

I don’t want to write anything more about this crap. It’s really bad in all aspects and sets the standards of how bad a zombie film can be. Don’t watch it.

Zombie Guide Reference points:

Are the zombies fast or slow: Average
Are the zombies smart: Smart, they have human slaves?
Range of weapons used?: Guns mostly
Is the world ending: Seems like the world is ending.
Gore v Story: Neither are worthy of mention.
Best Death Scene: Spoiler

You can watch the whole film online for free below:

Fido is a 2006 zombie comedy film directed by Andrew Currie. It stars Carrie-Anne Moss, Billy Connolly, Dylan Baker, K’Sun Ray, Henry Czerny and Tim Blake Nelson. It’s a very well made film with a real style to it, but the main problem with this film is that it won’t appeal to pretty much anybody. It’s not all that funny, although it has the odd funny line or scene. It’s not scary at all. It’s not really a kids film, although it has morals in an Adam Sandler sort of way. So there in lies the problem. No body is going to watch this film. Having written that, I do need to also express that this film isn’t terrible. It has a great set, and a really cool 50′s feel about it. And there are a lot of underlying themes in this film that make it very clever. It’s kind of a cute film, and Carrie-Anne Moss is awesome in it. So it has some appeal, but after reading the plot I doubt you will be inclined to go and watch.

The story follows Timmy, a young lad in the 50′s and his small family, consisting of his hot Mom (Moss), and his douche-bag funeral obsessed Dad (Baker). They get a pet zombie named Fido because having zombies is all the rage, one of their neighbor’s has 6. Zombies are now common place, and since the Zombie Wars, they have been domesticated with collars from Zomcom, the company that is in charge of everything zombie. Zombies are able to be used as house slaves to do simple tasks. Then Fido goes and messes up and eats some old lady, but by this stage Timmy is pretty attached to him, and doesn’t want them to take Fido away, so he covers things up by burying the dead body. I will leave it there.

This film has some great underlying themes of real relevance to the 50′s: keeping up appearances, repressed emotion, good clean living, muddled parental values. So it’s really is quite a clever film. The set is great, and we see Zomcom Z’s plastered everywhere. However, most interesting, and aligning with my point of this film lacking appeal to anyone in particular, is that as of 2010, this film is one of the ten worst films of all time in terms of return of investment. It cost 8 million to make, and has grossed less than half a million.

This film isn’t really a zombie film, so zombie film fans shouldn’t watch it. But, I don’t think really anyone will.

Zombie Guide Reference points:

Are the zombies fast or slow: Slow
Are the zombies smart: Very clever, they can do stuff like bring in a meal, or water the garden.
Range of weapons used?: Guns mostly
Is the world ending: Everyone lives in towns with fences around them to keep the zombies out.
Gore v Story: Story, a very strange story
Best Death Scene: Spoiler